Rub it in

let it burn

time will fly

the reality churns

look around

and your friends turn

the grease melts

in oil you’ll burn.

- Luke Sequeira

The wolf in the night club

No taking, no toying,

No balancing, no buoying,

No mending, no mediating.

No acknowledging, no appreciating.

No nurturing, no needing,

No giving, no grieving,

No loving, no longing,

No letting, no leaving.

No believing, no betting,

No helping, no hurting,

No leaning, no leading,

Not living, not bleeding.

I was on a journey of mystery and adventure through an untamed land far from but returning to the comforts of the village I call home, Saligao.

The bus I was traveling in was nearly empty so the conductor was picking passengers along the way to pocket the money. Three of those passengers happened to be drunken labourers, one of whom threw up on my bag, although none of whom were willing to clean up the mess on my politest of request.

An Indian daily wage labourer rests.

Assuming that the difficulty lay in our communication issues, they spoke drunken-marathi and I spoke pseudo-konkanni, I decided to use my hands to convey the message through signals. I grabbed one of them by the collar and expertly guided his head towards the foul smell (it was dark and I couldn’t see). It turns out that my senses were pretty accurate and the texture of our issues, possibly coupled with my actions, infuriated this intoxicated fellow. I know this because he turned and punched me in the stomach with the viciousness of an estranged lover.

It may have been the jerky bus or it may have been my actions but the other two instantly made attempts at me as well. Which gets us to the interesting part.

Exhibiting presence of mind and drawing on my deep knowledge of military strategy, I quickly backed off towards the rear. This maneuver is not to be mistaken for an act of cowardice since it was a move calculated to use the structure of my immediate surroundings to my advantage. Leveraging my advanced memory of the bus layout along with geometric, prediction and projection skills I accumulated seducing dealing with women, I knew that the aisle would be wide enough for only one drunken idiot in fighting stance or one and a half drunken idiots in ‘lets introduce our testicles to each other‘ stance. This tactic limited the number of muddy paws flying into my person to three while protecting the third drunken idiot; I’m a fuckin’ humanitarian. This also happened to protect me from him.

Because I no longer smoke along with the fact that I wasn’t in Goa (and brimming with beer) I had to my benefit superior firepower; which thanks to my intelligence, I channeled through surgical strikes to their faces (for which they had little use anyway, hence minimum long-term damage; again I’m a total fuckin’ humanitarian).

This along with my aforementioned strategic positioning advantage meant the battle lasted no more than 80 seconds. I must also mention the efforts of my allies, every other passenger in the region who quickly neutralized the enemies before they beat the shit out of my candy ass were defeated by my superior capabilities.

I’m now home, nursing a swollen hand and a similar ego. Yes, the above did actually happen, although certain aspects might be exaggerated. This incident served to remind me of that feeling which I like so much that I’m rewarded with while challenging the odds, irrespective of the end-result. The Goan tourist season is around the corner and so are we.

A fisherman at Baga beach awaits the start of the Goan tourist season next to his blue boat.

Goa is a lovely place, however as always, caution and care make misfortune rare..

While in Goa, you have the UV range of sunlight to worry about; nothing that quality sunscreen can’t handle. Then there’s the risk of STDs if you swing too much; nothing that industrial grade rubber can’t prevent. There’s also the risk of dying from a drug overdose; nothing that common sense and non-consumption of contraband can’t avoid.

However, there are people, not all of them of course; for which you need

A mental armor. Not so thick as to blind you to well-constructed criticism and advice, especially from those you trust. Nor so thick as to cut you off from friends and family. But thick enough to shrug off the inevitable sniggering and malicious mockery that will follow your inevitable failures, not to mention the poorly hidden envy that will accompany your eventual success. Few things in life are certain except death and being taxed. But sniggering and mockery prior to any attempt to better yourself financially, followed by envy later, or gloating during your initial failures—these are three certainties in life. It hurts. It’s mindless. And it doesn’t mean anything. But it will happen. Be prepared to shrug it off.

Felix Dennis of Maxim. (Probably after visiting Goa)

Venrock, one of the oldest VCs around just released this.

India..

Saturdays and Sundays mean 10 hours in bed and breakfast at noon for the village idiot. But not today.

So I woke up early this morning to the chirping of the birds, the ringing of the church bells and the clanging of several (possibly large) utensils at my neighbours place and the noticeable absence of a hangover; I was filled with a sense of wonder. The birds and the church bells were beautiful too.

Keen on making the most of my rare sunrises, I grabbed my camera and decided to head out for a cup of tea and some pretty clicks. Stepping out, I was reminded by the splendid green fields that I should get a horse. The color also reminded me how jealous writing about all this would make most of you city dwellers, a major factor behind this post.

A picture is worth a thousand words (and if it’s a sneak of a celeb’s underwear, plenty  more) so here’s a look at what I saw through my camera.

You’ll find the rest of the pictures on my flickr page. I should also point out that Goa is simply awesome and incredible.

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Is the spelling in the title right? I’m not sure..

Anyway, it’s been months since I last posted on this blog, but there’s been relatively plenty of talk over at Those Village Idiots Blog. The main domain is still an “Under Construction’ page but we’re working on it and the site should be ready by December.

I’m happy that luke.in is finally ‘ready’ (thanks to Chandan) and will soon migrate Musings of the Village Idiot’ to http://blog.luke.in

While all these little issues are sorted, I continue to work on a few event properties, something to do with weddings and am also very excited about our new SM relationship with Goa Traffic Police.

Even more, coming soon!

I’ve noticed that several people in my facebook network seek validation and approval to unearth little known factoids about themselves and their future through quiz applications on the platform.

The knowledge that a large percentage of the population might rely on the information they dispense, to plan marriage (Which kind of guy suits you?), investments (Will you be rich?) and career choice (Which celebrity are you? + How good are you in bed?) combined with the possibility of quack quiz applications is increasingly worrying me. Further, most of the applications serve to uncover superficial topics (How much do you know about Spider Man + How spiritually aware are you?). A psychological disaster is looming; the world facebook population needs a hero and for the want of a capable one, I’ve decided to step in.

First, I propose we set up a governing body for quiz applications that will eliminate quacks. In the mean while, the following quizzes, are suggested.

• Which venereal disease are you?
• How many people will you infect with your venereal disease before you die?
• Have you met your true love and which of your best friends is he going to marry?
• When will you get married and how many bastard children will you have?
• How many hours before your wedding will your partner run off with your best friend?
• Which goods vehicle are you?
• Which goods vehicle will your offspring lose their virginity in?
• Which ‘Prison Break‘ character’s mental illness are you?
• Which species of hair lice are you?
• Which Indian politician are you?
• Which brand of shoe would be flung at you were you to be a politician?
• Will you go to heaven or Ram Muthalik’s farmhouse?Assassin, ninja or police costume wearing strippers for your bachelor party?
• How attractive to mosquitoes are you?
• Which premiership striker does your girlfriend imagine when having sex with you?
• Which mental asylum best suits you?

The handy list of questions above is just a subset of those that the quiz-taking demographic must subject themselves to. While you await the next set, trying answering this question on your own.

• Should you be in support of euthanasia?

Image by hunterseakerhk via Flickr

Special Economic Zones have been in the news almost as much as Paris Hilton and Homer Simpson after his recent success with The Simpsons Movie.

So have prostitution dens, brothels, dance bars and Red Light Areas in general.

Come to think about it.

Both rely on cheap labor from the the economically backward classes.

Both are near tax-free.

Both don’t follow labor laws that apply in the rest of the country.

Both are promoted, powered and operated by a handful of powerful men.

Both benefit a handful of powerful men.

I remain a shameless capitalist.

Found | Read interviewed Fred Wilson

Q: What is entrepreneurship?
A: It’s the art of turning an idea into a business.

Q: Can entrepreneurship be taught/learned?
A: I don’t think so. It’s like a personality disorder. You are born with it.

Q: What do you look for in entrepreneurs?
A: First and foremost, they need to be magnets. For talent. For money. For attention. And for much more.

And, Steve Sammartino of Startupblog says Real Leadership is this:

Inspiring those who choose to be around you, to find a path which makes sense to them, and in doing so leads to achieving the objectives of a collective.

This comes at a time when Goa’s tourism economy is faltering thanks to innovative approaches to it’s promotion, media obsession over stray cases of rights violations, the changing attitude of the common man and competition from neighbouring as well as foreign destinations.

We need more options for seed financing, a stronger and accessible network of talent guides and mentors, stronger IP protection laws and a general propulsion of the idea that you can still make it even if you don’t cut to Medical or Engineering college.

Mumbai via Wikipedia

This is my last night in Mumbai and it marks the end of a week long binge of food (Thanks Ruth), Grey Goose (Thanks uncle Godfrey), EDM (Thanks Clement), late nights (Thanks all of the above) and 10 hours of sleep every night (Thanks all of the above).

While I was here, I also met some nice new people, and some not so nice (Meenal, I’m looking in your general direction), but the overall ratio was better than Goa’s.

In a few hours, we’ll be driving back to Goa. It will be nice to get back to; er… um… all the afore mentioned activities. But still, no place like home.

I was exposed to new concepts, new music, new social issues and old personal flaws. I also came across a lazy black dog. That black dog is going to help me with my migration to Mumbai.

You will hear more of this soon.

Oh, and China House on a Saturday Night; I’ve never experienced anything like it.

Oh, and also, Meenal, I’m just teasing; we all miss you and your misadventures terribly.

Image via Wikipedia

Apparently, that’s what the polity and the people want.

Because we can continue to ignore infrastructure.
Because security is irrelevent.
Because taxis without meters are still taxis.
Because shacks are meant to provide a defencive barricade against a potential angry sea.
Because rave parties don’t happen.
Because the difference between a club and a rave is unknown.
Because we have alternative revenue sources; mining, and umm… yeah.
Because the IT economy is booming, fortunately, we prevented it in Goa.

Also because

Sweet.

I’m going to regret not getting that IT degree.

This is a bit late…

Because I’m a dirty capitalist with multiple projects in the public domain, I have chosen to keep my thoughts about the alleged(Innocent until proven guilty.) rape of Scarlette to a few close friends.

Nigel Britto, however, suffers no such limitations (and greed before truth) and he has posted an interesting view.

If you are one of those people who are aware about more than just their wrinkles, you probably heard about the recent (last many years) rumble over migrants. Some of you might even have opinions about it.

As usual, I do.

Cases in point; non-Maharashtrians, and non-Goans. Since these two states share similar traditions, mindsets, economic profiles, weather, landscape, drug use, corruption indices and politicians, I will treat this issue as one.

The primary cause for stone throwing (no pun intended) here is that the locals and their localities are being overrun by ‘outsiders’. The ‘outsiders’ come from everywhere outside of Maharashtra and Goa; also called ‘the rest of India’. The locals claim that these ‘outsiders’ come to their states, take their jobs, use their water, consume their electricity, procreate faster, and generally ‘live’ in their beloved localities.

This phenomenon is known as migration.

The locals (mostly the men), know about migration almost as well as they know about the dance bars and red-light districts that are serviced by some of these outsiders (mostly the women).

Yes, the locals migrate too. For similar reasons. Better economic prospects, better education, better cars and sometimes (very rarely) to plant bombs and blow things up.

Because incomes are higher in the West and the Middle East, some of the locals move there. Incomes and prospects, especially IT related, are also much higher in Hyderabad and Bangalore (Incidentally, these cities are a part of ‘the rest of India’, a region from where most of the ‘outsiders’ originate.) and many locals are also know to move and make a living here. Yes, migrate.

Sometimes, the people from the west and middle east, treat the locals who have moved there to make a living badly. They say mean things to them and sometimes beat them up. They however rarely smash their cars, rape their wives and destroy their shops. The locals call this racism.

Yes, the locals know many big words. However, it appears that there is at least one big word that the locals aren’t aware of.

Double-standards. (This might be because this word consists of two big word and hence harder to remember; or it might just be that the locals are very fucked up. More research is required.)

Technorati Tags: anger, complaint, disgust, education, extremists, migrants, maharashtra, goa, double-standards, government, hate, humanity, humour, india, mumbai, bangalore, hyderabad, insight, sarcasm, stupid, terrorism, women

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I suddenly ran into an interesting post by Steve Sammartino about ideas. Steve argues that there is no such thing as a big idea; all ideas are the same size. He goes on to explain that only once an idea has been executed and proven successful that it becomes big.

He continues

…The ideas that worked didn’t have an advantage over the other ideas. They we’re all equal, but maybe other stuff happened to that idea. Maybe we nurtured it, maybe we believed in it, maybe we developed it better, maybe we tried a bit harder, maybe kept pushing it, maybe we modified it slightly, maybe we resisted the temptation to modify it…

I couldn’t agree more. I’m constantly coming up with new and often ridiculous (even to myself) ideas. But as Steve says, ideas exist only metaphysically and hence have no measure. An executed and proven idea can be defined as big, but the word ‘big’ defines the complexity of it’s execution and not the actual idea itself. All ideas are of the same ’size’ and thats why the nature and ‘magnitude’ of our ideas are varied and random.

So then how come some people launch extraordinary products, services? What makes a ‘Sir Richard Branson’. How do you produce a ‘Bill Gates’. How about another set of a ‘Larry Page and Sergey Brin’.

Its the mindset.

Entrepreneurs are dreamers. What is ridiculous to the average person is entirely feasible to them. Its the degree of their ability to dare, to risk, to persist, to modify, to improvise and to believe in themselves that makes all the difference not between just the entrepreneur and the common man but even the successful entrepreneur from the unsuccessful.

OK, so ideas are all the same size, but how do you get ideas of greater complexity?

You read several topics, you interact with a range of people, you participate in various activities and you talk about what you’ve learned to a range of people. You learn a (relatively) little about a lot of things.

You are a Jack of all trades; a master of some.

Now you have your complex ideas. How do you make it work?

You find and leverage people who have greater knowledge in the field where you lack it. You manage them well.

The richest and most successful people in the world aren’t the smartest; they are the ones who know the smartest and made them a part of their teams.

Dream on.

Not the EDM type.

This type :

Replace civil disobedient individuals in above image with uncivil disobedient nightclub owners, pub owners, restaurant owners, DJs, event managers and college students bunking class. (This motley crew will henceforth be referred to as ‘The Forces of Good’)

Technorati Tags: Alcohol, College, Funny, Goa, Government, India, Men, Music, News, Nightlife, Noise, Pollution, Prediction, Rave, Riot, Stupid, Tourism

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KISS – keep it simple stupid. The universally acknowledged rule for design, writing, clinical procedures, war strategies, cooking and sex.

Unfortunately, a hairy eared, spherical bellied, mustachioed twit at Goa’s Department of Tourism, took that a bit literally.

Exhibit A :

Why do I care you ask? Because I’m a part of the Tourism and Entertainment industry. We pay for the bloody hairy eared, spherical bellied, mustachioed twit’s salary, the Government’s fuel bills, some minister’s porn habit’s, your KidsCyberage PC and those signs that say ‘Beware of AIDS’ and ‘Strictly no garbage’; among several other things.

Goa depends on mining and tourism. The mines run out in 18 year. What happens when the tourists do?

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A state in which one is invincible. Or feels that way.

Next!

I did a detailed survey of the landscape, inhabitants, entertainment spots and businesses. Here are the notes I took.

• Very beautiful. Very.
• Green all around.
• All the roads there lead to the jetty.
• No Domino’s Pizza delivery here.
• Two “world famous in Goa” trees.
• More chapels per square kilometre than the same stat for fake/unrecgonised Degree colleges in India.
• More bars per square kilometre than the same stat for chapels in Diwar.
• A grumpy delusional ‘captain’ controlling the ferry.
• A total of 5 Great Indian Buffaloes.
• Sufficient and Ideal land for setting up a Nuclear power plant.
• Fevi-quick is unavailable.
• No Mangoes or Cashews available this season.
• No sightings of “filthy rich Delhi investors”.
• The dog that stays near the Chapel at the top of the hill doesn’t like me.
• No sightings of Goa Police.
• The ferries consume more fuel per person than the average space shuttle.
• The government is aware of that fact.
• Reliance retail hasn’t set up here yet.
• No garbage dump here yet; great business opportunity, must research further.
• The chapel on the hill is locked from all sides yet we hear voices from within.
• Stop freaking out you moron.

You’ll find pics here. Please leave comments.

Technorati Tags: stupid, silly, funny, humor, goa, india, complaint, research, statistics, art, creativity, disgust, god, gossip, rumour, government, insight, life, photography, ranting

I was writing a post about the advances and creative designs of modern wind mills. Then I accidentally stumbled upon this :

How to tick people off…

• Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
• In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
• Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
• Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
• Practice making fax and modem noises.
• Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
• Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
• Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
• Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
• Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
• Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
• Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
• Staple pages in the middle of the page.
• Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
• Honk and wave to strangers.
• Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
• TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
• type only in lowercase.
• don’t use any punctuation either
• Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
• Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
  “DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
  “What?”
  “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
• As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
• Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
• Ask people what gender they are.
• While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
• Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
• Sing along at the opera.
• Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
• Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

The one’s I highlighted (bold) had me gasping!! I intend practicing too…